Home Grown

Archive for the ‘Questions’ Category

J. Morris – I read that you were a surrogate. Is it true? Did you donate your eggs?

Yes, I was a surrogate. No, I did not donate my eggs. The child is a product of the sperm and egg of his parents being fertilized in laboratory and then the embryos frozen and waiting. I was a vessel by which a miracle occurred. He is a happy, healthy, well adjusted teen aged young man who knows the full truth. I see him usually most summers when they visit in Virginia.

The Bee – I would like to know your favorite mom moments for each of your kids and your best “wife” moment w/ Steve.

I don’t think I have one favorite moment. I have moments that stand out or flashes of the past that catch up with me sometimes and take my breath away. Things like Colby standing on my mommas coffee table singing or her first day at school or the way she cried when I was forced to work and leave her with a babysitter; Gracie climbing a tree and couldn’t get back down or how happy she was to start kindergarten or the fear of seeing the first respiratory attack raise its head; the way Steven wiggled to cuddle when he nursed or how he speaks so intently with his hands and holds your face and looks right into your eyes. I don’t know if I can isolate one thing so easily not even the moment they were each born. All three experiences where different and yet the same.

Wife moments are different and rest on a different plain. Most I can’t discuss openly. I can tell you this – when I look at him right now I still get that feeling deep in my stomach that is a tingle and butterflies and creates a rush of adrenaline that I feel to my toes. He takes my breath away. He gives me the greatest highs of my life and can equally drag me lower than any other person in the world. He is my everything. I don’t think he will ever truly understand how much I love him.

I went back to the ENT this week. The infection is finally cleared. The hole has to heal. In 30 days if it is not healed over then I may have to have surgery. On my eardrum. Eeek!!

I have to end this short. Absolutely no time this week. More later.

Steve – If you were guaranteed success in one area in life, what would it be and how would you define success?

I count myself already successful in many ways. I have great kids on the road to attaining a great life in their adulthood. I have a happy, healthy marriage. I have been published and my book is in the Library of Congress. I have my health (save for the dang ear infection but in general very good health). That is certainly a success.

At the same time there are many ways in which I consider myself a failure. I don’t have a beautiful body or face. I don’t have a fancy education or a degree to hang on the wall of an office. This blog and website are not a total fail but they certainly aren’t the success I wish they were.

I don’t know if I can pinpoint one thing and spend the rest of my life being ‘successful’ at the cost of other things.

Judy – how many hours do you sleep in a typical night?

Six to eight. Last night 8. The night before 6. The night before 5.

Stacey – Where in the world do you get the energy to do all that you do?

Somedays I think it is creative energy that just needs to escape. Often it is misplaced. Instead of writing yesterday and staying on top of NaNoWriMo I played Zuma’s Revenge.

There is a lot going on in my head and sometimes I can’t focus on being productive in tangible ways.

Right now I am concentrating on cleaning out my house for Fall and downsizing the kids personal possessions.

Lisa – Did you grow up on a farm or did you learn farm life later on in life?

I grew up on a little farm in Georgia. Daddy raised beef cattle. Sometimes I am completely shocked at myself by what I remember or seem to simply know about raising animals. I guess we absorb much simply by being in a certain environment.

Lisa – Who in your family was the biggest influence on you?

My mother and my grandmother were my biggest influence. My mother made me independent and strong, not only by her example but by need and sheer will to survive our circumstance. My grandmother influenced my love of sewing, cooking and gardening.

Lisa – What are you writing your novel about?

This time NaNoWriMo is focused on a little farm in Virginia run by woman who takes in an ex-prisoner – though she doesn’t know it yet. The idea is still unfocused and cloudy and I am trying to work my way through it. I cannot form an outline then create a story around the framework. My characters tell me about themselves as the unfold in words on paper.

I am also having a weird mental block. Maybe it is a Stephen King moment. I am having great difficulty bringing my characters through physical hardships, pain and loss. What if on some plain they come back and blame me for the torturous life they led at my hand???

Now you think I am a nut case.

Judy – Is there anything you’d like to change about your life (either past or present)?

Tough question. I am sure there are things we wish we could change but at what cost? If it effects who I am now, the inside thinking me, or changes the path I followed and would change my children and other relationships I would have to say I wouldn’t change a thing.

If everything can stay same in those matters I think I wish that I had invested wiser years ago, finished college and had earned a PhD.

I try never to have regrets but I do regret never finishing my educational dreams. Maybe once Steven is in school I’ll have a chance to go back and seek out my own dreams in achieving that PhD. I imagine I would 60 in the end. Better late than never.

Heather – How do you manage your multi-blended family and how involved are the ‘other’ parents?

Let’s be blunt here if you all don’t mind?

I do not do drama and neither does Steve.

We don’t play back and forth games and we don’t allow for emotional blackmail with children. We don’t play manipulation games either.

My ex has been out of the picture after the first few months of our divorce. He made a choice to never participate, come around or be involved. He got into a bad place and it is a very good thing for me. My children don’t have to see or be hurt and I don’t have to worry over them being away from me and in his hands at any time. He is a total blank spot that has been filled by Steve and as far as my girls are concerned Steve is there dad and has never been anyone else. Colby is an adult and she chooses to keep the ties cut. Grace has no interest in someone she doesn’t remember at all.

As for Steve’s ex. She is just that his ex. I don’t deal with her and I don’t involve her in my life. Steve irons out any issues and I don’t get involved at all. It is not my place to do anything but be supportive of my husband and to be a safe haven for him to talk openly and to sound off to and bounce around decisions or ideas. It is very rare for the waters to be disturbed by either part. Live and let live and stay out of one another’s business and personal affairs and there is no backlash.

There was a time when we first married that we did things with purpose to make sure everyone was involved in everything and every holiday but now that the girls are much older and budding young women we don’t have to worry so much over the kid things. Holidays with my stepdaughter are divided. If she is here for Thanksgiving then she is not here for Christmas but spends New Years with us and vice versa opposite years.

The boundaries are set and everyone seems to know where to toe the line.

Kayla – What is your most prized possession in your kitchen? What is the one thing you wouldn’t want to live without in your kitchen?

Currently my most possession in the kitchen is my grandmother’s cornbread pan. She had used the same pan since the mid 1960′s. It was present at every family dinner and event. I can see her baking cornbread when I close my eyes. It is a wonderful place to go when I am lonely for her.

There are many thingss in my kitchen that really are a major convenience but I can’t really say there is anything I can’t live without. Anything I have a tool for I can also do manually. One item that I really love and use almost daily is my Kitchen Aid stand mixer. My wonderful in-laws gave it to me for Christmas. I was also gifted over the year with the grinder and the pasta maker. It is certainly a many tools in one machine that I am very grateful for – especially when it comes to whipping cream!

June – Have you been approached to write professional or to put together a cookbook?

I would be blown away if someone came knocking with any kind of offer for me. But, no, I have not ever been approached. While it would be a dream come true I don’t feel that I get enough support on this website by readers for anyone to notice I exist. I can write all day long and show you a million recipes but unless the readers draw attention to my website or support me not only with comments but also with links and promotion I am just another middle aged housewife with a blog who can cook, clean and sew. Sad but true.

More answers tomorrow!

It is beautiful here in central Virginia. I spent most of Saturday cleaning out my attic and trying to get rid of junk and setting aside things for an online or in person yardsale over next weekend.

My ears are not healed but they are so much better. I can’t believe the level of energy that has returned. The weight loss slowed to a stand still with the meds and laying on the couch but I plan to change that ASAP now that I am feeling like I can be more active and not suffering pain.

Have a great day.