Heart on my Sleeve

So things have changed for me greatly since I made my last post.  JUST REMEMBER TIME WOUNDS ALL HEALS. Oh well. I can do nothing but smile. And just keep smiling along like I always do. I must keep on standing, I am a strong person, I am capable of anything, I can, I will.  I don’t even want to talk about everything ok? maybe we can talk about it one day, just not today.

So I’m sitting here with my mom watching something about Susan Boyle. Wowzers.  I have had a great day, all I want to do is relax. My head is just pounding and my body aches. I want a hot shower and to curl up with my Stephen King book. LOL I suck at being cool.

Tags: somethings wrong here

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I have so much to say! But there is so little I am legally and morally and that other thingallyable to tell you. You see I have secrets. Lots of juicy sloppy secrets and I can’t even tell you, the Internet about them. But hot damn! As much fun as it is to know and with hold. I really wish I don’t have the pressure or all of them on my shoulders. I want one person I can tell everything too. And here is where my bff comes in. I tell her almost everything, but I still will lie to her to keep the things I shouldn’t know from being discovered.

So lets get started!

I am happy and wieghtless.

I am comfortable

I am ………………. covered in this natty rash I may of picked up from a small disgusting child in the hospital. If it doesn’t go away with OTC stuff I’m callin the doc!! stat as in by friday. Wait what day of the week is it?

CHANGE THAT TO TUESDAY!

Tags: 321 lights camra transaction, I'm not thinking about that, somethings wrong here, the saddness, true love

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Every season must come to an end. And that is precisely what has happened. My dutys at the hospital have changed. Now I’m expected to be a senior phlebotomist and act in a senior and respectable team memberish manner. What ever shall I do!

Hell at least I have a job. And I want to keep it that way. Nuff said.

So I think I’m starting a new and serious fitness routine. last night instead of eating taco bell after work I ran. Here’s the hitch, taco bell is like crack to me. I need it. My hands start shaking I starting have withdraws after a week or so. I’m scuuurd I’ll die if I don’t feed the beast. My addiction. No really but…….I NEEEEED IT!!

When it gets hard I’ll just remind my self who it’s for.

Tags: 321 lights camra transaction, love or something like that

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So if you where in Ihop at about 1 am, I’m sorry. Those loud obnoxious jerks in scrubs….. Yeah that was us. 4 gals and 2 guys? Big mouths? Laughter? Mhm. You caught me. But damn I enjoyed my self. A little public display immaturity of  always pleases me. I can be a grown up when I have to……I promise. Maybe. That fire ball that broke that glass. I totally had nothing to do with that. I would never provoke any one to do anything bad-ish. Uh but we are good tippers. If that makes it any better. And we are all devistatingly attractive. Yup thats what makes it better. We are sexxxay.

I went back to my BBF’s (who is, it should be told, one of the most beautiful people I have ever know inside and out) house after we went out and helped clean the mess she and her brother made while her mom was in Mexico. That was 2 of the happiest hours I ever spent cleaning and gossiping. Or as Matt says making an observation is not gossiping, it is saying what you see. 

Borrrrring. But not really. I’m lame you see.

Tags: a letter, happy

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The reason this post is named the way it is……Well thats between me and God and maybe Ashlee Simpson. LaLa.

So I have a hard time know who to trust and who not to trust. I know it’s dumb but I do. I want to trust everyone. But I have been burned so many times I just don’t know any more. I know I have hurt people because of it. I put my trust in the wrong person and forsake the right people some times. I am a doof.

I just want to rest. I actually want to soft place to rest my head. I want to go home. I want to feel little and protected. I want to know that someones got a warm place waiting for me. I want someone to want t o love and protect me. but men theses days are just interested in getting some. I’m looking for a little real romance. I don’t know if there is much of that left.  No games. No foolishness. Jut L.O.V.E.

Whats she got that I don’t have ? I think I’m pretty boss. your pretty boss too. And you know it. I know it and you know I know it.

Tags: love or something like that, missing you, somethings wrong here

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I went out with two of my friends after work and ate ihop. I thought I was just gonna have a sweet tea and maybe some bacon or somethin. Uh no I ge in there and gobble a shake, fries and a grilled ham and cheese.  I may of also ate all the bacon off my bbf’s blt. So now my cute little pig tailed self is sitting here in the kitchen at almost 3 am listening to Metro Station drinking a warm beer. How lady like. My arms are getting Heeeavy. In a good way, like I could go lay down and sleep for a year. My puppy Bella, passed away last night. I cried all day until I went to work at two with a searing headache, all I wanted to do was sleep. My shift was the hospital 10 hour shift from hell and I laughed it off. I flirted with every one.

I smiled cause I just wanted to come home and cry.

I forgo to pay my phone bill. Whoo late fees. Get it, Get it. *tear* It was the last thing on my mind. This is not my first pet death. But I breed and brooded that pup. She is the first dog that was ever mine from the minute she was conceived. She was mine until at 8 weeks I gave her over to the loving arms of  Gracie. I hurt for baby Grace. I hurt for Bella’s mama my beloved Abby. I hurt for my Mama who has taken it the hardest I think. And I hurt for me. I loved her. Bouncy Beautiful Bella, Irreplaceable, Irresistible Isabella, you will forever be missed. I love you.

Tags: the saddness, true love

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With every beginning the will come an end. I have put an end to something in my life. An infatuation. Done. Over it. What do you do when you thought you wanted something and you realize its all wrong? You move on. Even if you still yearn to stand next to that person and have there arm across your shoulder. You move on. You push every thought of him to the back of your brain. Stop. Look at him in a real light. Your done. Done. Done. You would rather be his friend. A true friend, not this pinning little thing nipping at his heels. Step back. Step off.

Lie to your self, tell your self hes the devil. A bad man. A jerk. The scum between your toes. He’s eyes don’t shine with the purest light, that’s just a neon glow coming off the nuclear waste he must be made of. Toxic. Dangerous. RUN!!

But you can’t. Thats when you know you have to.

Tags: love or something like that

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So I have a million thoughts I want to express. I have more emotions on my mind then an EMO 15 year old boy. I feel like I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. I have some options but if I choose one, I loose ever having any of the other ones. So do I stay and wait or do I just jump? Where is my Knight on a white horse? But I digress. We will talk more about this when I get to the jumping off point and have to do something. I just don’t know how much farther down this road I can travel.

I want to wright another letter to a certain mister but I shall not.

Lets just change things up shall we?

So, I walked in on some men I work with saying that sometimes you just gotta cheat, as a man you need a little change and some times you just have to. WTF SOME TIMES YOU JUST HAVE TOO? It was then stated that a least your not beating her. What there is a choice? If I let you bet me you won’t cheat, or are you saying if you cheat you will not feel the need to beat me to a pulp?  I honestly don’t get it. I’m all for a little female submission unto a husband as it is what the Bible demands, But  fuggin gurggle. WHERE THE HELL DO MEN GET THESE IDEAS FROM?

Tags: love or something like that, somethings wrong here

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I honestly think this should be called “I Like It Ruff ” But as it tuns out my mom may read this soooo.

Monday night every things fine. Tuesday morning around 2 AM……Not so much. My truck broke down. Bad Alternator. My bff sat with me for hours on Tuesday morning when Bessie’s alternator died and we waited for my mom to come take my sorry arse home. A very amazing and talented buddy replaced it and I was only out 200 bucks, the cost of the alternator, a new belt and a new shiny super big socket wrench. I’m told it is a very sexy wrench.

Tuesday night everything is alright. Well you wanna talk about Wednesday at about 12:15 am? Truck is over heating oil and water/coolant are spaying all over. Pull into gas station, Call before mentioned buddies big brother, who is also a very amazing friend. He adds fluids to truck said he’ll follow me home. Shit Yeah!! All is well…..UH HELL NO ITS NOT! WE DIDN’T EVEN GET ONE STOP LIGHT DOWN THE STREET. Lets say we made it a half block. He used his truck to tow me to a parking lot, called up on of his buddies with an actual tow truck and 2 shops later, with the first telling there was nothing they could do, and the second being able to fix it for all of 180 bucks.

So I’m picking up old Bertha (she’s been through hell and really shes still a great tuck and I love her. Shes been there has the t-shirt and still gets me where I need to go. But sometimes she gets a little ill. But for a 12 year old she is the shit son. No doubt) Any way we’ll she have she does tomorrow.

It could of all been much worse. I thank God that it wasn’t. I thank God for great friends who are there when you need them. I thank God for everything He is doing in my life. I think God for how close he has brought me to some people and how far he has removed me from others. Its amazing when you put your faith in God, everything falls into place even with things go wrong, He puts you back on your feet and these week is proof.

 This post is really here just to praise him, and thank him for the people he has blessed me with knowing.

Tags: friends

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Dear Him (yup that’s all we are calling him online *winkwink*),

You are Amazing. You as it turns out are everything I ever wanted and I don’ t know if you even know it. You make me happy. Incredibly happy. Happy just to see your face. Oh what a face it is! You are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of before I fall asleep (most of the time) I love it when you bask in your rightness. I love when you get bossy and how you are always “getting sassy in this photo shoot” *** You are….wheww more then I can say. I’m sitting here thinking of the million ways I tell you about my ardour force myself upon you.

How do you make me feel like this? You can break my heart with a word and have me at your feet with a glance. And even if nothing ever happens between us and you stop being this crazy jealous guy that still hasn’t asked me out and we still have a retarded amount of sexual tension between us…causing constant bickering. Right now you take my breath away and you probably always will.

I love it that you like to wind me up. I love it that you like to see just how far you can push me, just how mad you can make me. But dude your driving my friends crazy. They are sick of hearing this. mkay? So listen I’m just putting it out there. Even if you never read this. I mean honestly I don’t think that will happen. But It’s out there. In the air floating all out in cyberspace. Yup cyberspace. Hearing all about it sir.

~Love lil ol Me

** yes I did use a Fred quote. Gotta problom with that?

Tags: a letter, happy, love or something like that, missing you

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